Conflict Resolution during Divorce or Separation

When a couple has made the decision to separate or end their marriage, there are three major areas that will need to be resolved in the process:

    1. Division of money and finances (including debt)
    2. Division of material things acquired during the relationship
    3. Division of child custody or visitation

Everything mutually acquired between the date of conjoining (marriage or cohabitation) and the date of separation must be split.  Money and so forth that belonged to you before the conjoining of the relationship and after the date of separation is yours.

The legal process of divorce is best accomplished with the help of a divorce mediator.  A family law attorney is often involved when negotiating child custody and visitation as well as child support payments.  A divorce mediator is superior to consulting with a divorce attorney because mediation is often much less expensive, more private (divorce proceedings in court are public record!), and strive to achieve mutual agreement with the couple throughout the divorce process.  Before considering a divorce attorney to handle the ending of your marriage, you are encouraged to watch this 92 minute video, Divorce Corp, which shows how the divorce process legally works in the US today.

As a marriage therapist, even if I am unable to save your marriage, I want your marriage to end amicably.  I want you to be able to be pleasant and sociable in each other’s company.  I want your divorce to be an event in your life that is passed and each can acknowledge what you gained and learned from the experience.  Divorce attorneys want to turn divorce into a fight, a tit-for-tat battle that keeps both parties engaged in a drawn-out legal process that does nothing but hemorrhage money into the attorneys’ pockets.

If a decision is made to end the marriage and one of you is struggling with the mediation process because of an overload of feelings connected to the loss of the relationship and the hope that you thought it would bring, I offer my services to you as a source of support.  In therapy, we can discuss a myriad of topics that may bring relief to your suffering:  fault, grief, loss, expectations, promise, commitment, fear of the future, and so forth.  Even though you may have fought the good fight to keep the marriage together, but it ended anyway, we can explore the experience as a part of life instead of a failure.

You don’t have to struggle with the dissolution of a marriage alone.  There is support, but it can only be accessed if you make the call.


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